on karaoke, proust, madeleine and how we only know so much. and about future topics.
thank you for your comments.
bachelorette vids - proust and karaoke
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4 comments:
IH! das hat gerade voll das eklige flutsch-geräuch gemacht, als du so deine nase zusammengedrück hast. alles heiße von gestern ist damit verschwunden... ih, jetzt hast du einfach so geschnieft...
oh gott, so ein video macht einfach zu viel transparent. du hast auch echt einen witzigen blick, wenn du überlegst: da ziehst du dann die augen so zusammen.
oh, ich habe die drei sekunden nicht genutzt, weil ich gerade mit kommentieren beschäftigt war. mist.
kristin... him? gut. find ich prima. dann kannst du ja noch mehr klamotten von mir haben.
der bleistift kommt echt gut, den will ich öfter haben, der bringt totale dynamik rein.
aufgabe: kannst du dich noch an das winnie puh bild von der einweigungsfeier auf der naugarder erinnern? du kannst dir denken, was die aufgabe wäre... oder?
wirst du zur projektionsfläche meiner inneren sehnsüchte? ist das eigene videobild projektionsfläche des eigenen wunsch-ichs? ermöglicht das video die totale, gewünschte kontrolle über die eigene inszenierung? über das selbst?
too sorry about the heißness-elimination...
so it does make many things transparent? like what? what did you learn about me in those videos? did they show very different sides of me? do you think i purposely mislead you all to take me for someone else or someone more like you or i want me_s to be?
i don't know about the desirepart because that is a question that only you can answer.
interesting about the "i" that i wish to be. i certainly had this with the first vid on waiting. i took seven different versions. like tried different angles, how my face looked, how my voice sounded, if i made sense. now, until this vid here, i only had one take. because i thought that maybe it would be more "authentic" right. "authentic" in the sense that i really would only just start, ramble on, don't necessarily have a plan or with some of the videos even a topic. sometimes that felt good and a bit like when you're having drinks with your mates and then this sitting around the kitchen table makes you all develop the great "whys". sometimes i still feel a bit weird about talking to myself into the camera. well, not that i wouldn't talk to myself anyhow, it's just that usually those thoughts stay private and are more of a struggle within me.
and for that and other reasons, i am not sure if it is the total control about your own mise en-scene. it most certainly allows you to check back on your own image via the screen. but if you're doing that you kinda loose contact with the eye of the camera, also saying, with the people watching you. i don't want to loose that contact. so i gotta decide between being self-focused or intersubjective. or there is thise range in between and i oscillate feeling like sometimes "in the role"/"in me_s" (saying, when i am talking to you directly into the camera) and "control myself"/autoanalysis (looking in the mirror/screen). i can't have both.
Aber dennoch besteht die Möglichkeit zum Kontrollblick, was immer wieder meines Erachtens den Unterschied zur Live-Situation ausmachen wird. Obwohl ich dir nicht widersprechen will, was den vermeintlichen Authentizitätsanspruch angeht. Stefanie Diekmann meinte im Gespräch nach "Proklamation der Heimata" auch zu uns, dass unser Backstage ja der Ort von "Echtheit" sei und wir da auch so wirkten. Allerdings ist da die Kamera immer wieder als Kontrollblick für uns als Performer ganz klar präsent - meinem Empfinden nach ist meine Inszenierung vor der Kamera viel stärker als live - dennoch wird die Live-Performance von Zuschauer viel eher als inszeniert erfahren.
Ich denke außerdem, dass sich Kontakt zum Zuschauer und Kontroll-Blick nicht ausschließen, an sich ist die ganze Situation ja auch immer wieder gerahmt. Ich frage mich da eher, warum im Video alles echter empfunden wird? AJL?
well, do we think it has more of an "authentic" feel to it? maybe it's because of the quasi-liveness, right. and obviously, if i am looking directly into that camera and you believe me to not use a teleprompter, then it pretty much is live/real/without a script.
well, but it was a new experience for me in a certain way. until now all the other vids of schwarzesnossen were more or less, while spontanious and not rehearsed or something, a performance with i don't know, the goal to entertain. and to do silly things and to be "arty" (lol ...). well, but i could always say, it's not really me, it's this fucked up character i perform. but then again, with the "late night randomness" i kind of let that 'fucked up character' take a part in the performance. and i also let another person be part of it. and it's still the k. you came to know a little better, isn't it. only just one or two little additions. or is it another self as in one self that is many self_s? trouble is, i need to stand for all that i or we do under that schwarzesnossen channel. because it is, basically me, and people can find out or know anyways who i am or we are. so, if i vlog this, or publish a more "arty" as in staged video, it is still the real me(_s). i guess i would have to have a lot of "fake" (!?) accounts for being able to publish things i could not say - yes, that and that is also a part of the me(_s).
and the thing about not editing (well, this once after the kleist, but that was only due to technical difficulties), it's so live. and i guess ajl is not too far away.
and usually i am very focused when i do them, well ..., well, yes, i try to be. i am focussing that green spot in front of me and know this will be the others gaze on me so i need to look them into their eyes so that they know i am with them. and then it's the same with when i talk to people face to face. i look down or someplace else when i am thinking, or searching for something. sometimes face to face that is not necessary, because i can search in the other's eyes for "answers". but the camera is just there, objective and listens to me.
and i do tend to "perform" myself(_s) as nicely or appropriately as possible. for one, i want you to stick with me. two, why would i not use strategies like light or noses (lol ...) to say something subtext-wise.
major planning despite that is not involved.
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